Well New York, I Guess You can Add God to the Long List of People You’ve Pissed Off

You Godless, liberal, morons. You’re basically France at this point. Some of the only people in the world who still liked you were Jesus and God. And you done gone and fucked that up too. Lettin’ dudes marry dudes and chicks marry chicks, what are you thinking? It says right there in that oh so important book that this IS NOT allowed. You know the book. The one written by St. Paul and his homies to cash in on the memory of the charismatic Jesus after he was safely dead for 30 years so he couldn’t read what they wrote and scream, “Fucking BULLSHIT! That never fucking happened!”. It is crystal clear in THE BIBLE, you liberal fucktards, that being gay is WRONG. God was very clear about this point: He made all humans and loves them for what they are; unless what they are is a person who is chemically ever-so-slightly different than the statistical norm, and thus attracted to their own sex; in these cases he fucking hates the ever-living shit out of them and condemns them to hell for eternity. So, uh, New Fucking York, what exactly are you not understanding? Jesus taught us to love everyone, regardless of our differences. Unless those differences are homosexual in nature. Then fuck you. He clearly stated in NoLongerRelevant 19:36: “And I shall be quite cleareth regarding one fact…that if the aforementioned ‘Good Samaritan’ had encounteredeth a queer instead of his sworn enemy, then he haveth no choice but to picketh up a rock and smote this queer for his evil same-sex ways….and he shall encourageth others to join in his hate and stone this homosexual to the grave…..for I loveth all mankind, excepting of course for that sort of mankind.” It is so goddamned clear New York, but you have your heads shoved so far up your smug, liberal asses, that you can’t even read the fuckin’ Bible for fear of having to put down your communist red New York Times. And so you do the unthinkable and allow two dudes named Bruce to legally join. And now you are fucked. Hordes of maniacal gays bent on destruction are going to sweep through your streets and hills and valleys, tearing apart good honest god-fearing straight families, torching their homes, and turning their kids gay by touching them on the head with their magic gay wands. You fuckin’ asked for it, Mr. Smart Guy. And when God sends the fire and brimstone, or when the next natural disaster strikes New York and that asshole on the 700 Club points out it was because you legalized lesbian union, don’t come crawling back to us sensible folk asking “WHY?”.

PS–On a serious note….When I saw this story on the news the day of, I was really surprised. I had no idea anyone still gave a shit about this? Like there are states which still don’t legally allow this? Are you fucking kidding me? How, in the name of God, does gay people marrying each other affect your life in any way, shape, or form? If you want to be grossed out or laugh like an 8th grader when you imagine the logistics of it, fine. But to actually go out and waste one minute of your life campaigning against it? How big of a fucking loser do you have to be? I mean clearly you’ve absofuckinglutely nothing to do with your day, or your life. What an awful existence to be pissed off about life happening normally, and not doing anything to bother you. Gay people have no more choice in their chemical makeup than do autistic kids. Why don’t leave the anti-gay rally for a hot second and go scream at autistic kids as they leave their therapy sessions. Tell ‘em they can’t marry other autistic kids when they grow up. If you’ve spent 5 minutes of your life trying to stop gay marriage, then consider renting a UHaul, driving it to a pier, and pay a vagrant $100 to push it off the end of the pier right after you lock yourself in the back. Trust me, no one will fucking miss you. The most comical moment of the news report on the passage of this law in New York was an interview after the vote with a New York state senator. He was a black guy. He said, “So you’re telling me a man is going to call another man husband, and a woman is going to call another woman wife? How is that going to work? I just feel bad for our children. They are going to have to grow up in a world where a man and woman getting married doesn’t mean anything (shaking head with sad look on face)” Are you fucking kidding me you assclown??? Um, in case you didn’t notice you are BLACK. How are you a state senator anyway? Do you want us to turn back the clock 50 years to a time when you couldn’t have been a state senator, or even voted, because miserable ignorant fucksticks like yourself thought you were inferior due to your skin color? Someone should have walked up and shot that asshole directly in the face. So to everyone who is bent out of shape about this: Just go back to sucking at life quietly somewhere and leave everyone else alone. No one likes you anyway.
PSS–Big shout out to Iowa for being more progressive and modern than New York by beating them to the punch.

About Zach

Male homo sapien. Warrior poet. I live in Chicago with one wife, one offspring, and Scout the dog. I enjoy various stuff. Besides skinny skiing and going to bullfights on acid, I also enjoy running, reading, drinking, eating and procrastinating on many things, such as starting this blog. I have a mom, a dad, and a younger brother who recently produced a sister-in-law. I'm the only person in my family, sister-in-law included, who doesn't have a post-graduate degree. I guess that makes me special. I grew up in a small to medium sized town in the middle of Ohio. In fact the even smaller town next door has a sign which reads "The Geographic Center of Ohio". Given this is what they choose to boast you can only imagine how exciting that town is. My town is infinitely cooler. For example on weekend nights people from my town and the surrounding villages and hamlets converge on the public square to "cruise" in their souped-up mini trucks, some bearing Confederate flags, despite growing up and living rather safely north of the Mason-Dixon line. This is high-minded stuff we're talking about here. I graduated sometime during the Clinton presidency from the local high school where I played football and participated in absolutely nothing else. This strategy paid huge dividends when I applied to numerous colleges on the eastern seaboard which were highly selective. When you show up to the admissions table with "HIgh School Football and Nothing Else" on your application, you get respect. After graduating from Ohio University with a degree in Economics that I've used for absolutely nothing, I moved to Boston. Boston is a lovely city. I was doing things I'm not proud of for beer money and I left after 16 months. My next move was to Chicago and 10+ years later there I still reside. I write this blog for therapeutic reasons. Much like some people paint to relax or smoke crack to unwind after a stressful day, I record my thoughts on Al Gore's World Wide Web for 9 friends, 4 family members, 1 person who accidentally clicked through after an unsuccessful Google search for something else, and a guy named Patriot1 who lives in a silver Air Stream in the Nevada desert and broadcasts his own radio show. Is there a point to all of this? I doubt it. Years ago and in a galaxy far, far away (College Park, Maryland, then Athens, Ohio) I was toying with the idea of being a journalism major. I enjoyed writing so it seemed the obvious fit. Then I attended career day and learned that journalism majors could look forward to a salary of $EA,TSH.IT per year with the promise of a fatal heart attack at 47 years of age. I'm not falling for that trick, I told them (them being no one, and told being saying it in my own mind in the shower). Approximately 15 years later here I sit declared the big winner in that battle: I never made any money doing anything else and now I'm writing entirely for free. So suck balls, journalism career day. The views expressed in this website are mine and mine entirely. I don't wish to be an even bigger black eye to my family than I probably already am. As a result of this I will never be able to run for public office and I accept that reality. But this website is a very dignified, well-dressed skeleton full of witty retorts and honorable deeds compared to the disheveled, stenching, staggering and loud skeletons who would come marching out of the closet to White Zombie's "Thunderkiss '65" if they ever unearthed the college years. So enjoy your train ride, your hangover day at work, your AA meeting or your dump. I'm here to serve.
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3 Responses to Well New York, I Guess You can Add God to the Long List of People You’ve Pissed Off

  1. AMS says:

    despite my desire to make a theological case for Biblical Christianity not necessarily saying any of what Christians have for too long mis-interpreted as God's commands against homosexuality, I will refrain. :-) not that your point isn't still on target, seeing as that's the message my fellow 'Christians' keep sending loud and clear.

    I will, however, give kudos aplenty for your PS. Blog well done, cuz, once again.

  2. squirrelgirl says:

    I just left a comment on the Yellow Ribbon post…I found the post because I was looking for an image I could steal…but thats beside the point….the point is….after only 2 blog posts you have earned a spot on my BookMark toolbar.

    I just KNOW you must have something to say about Rush Limbaugh….I can't wait to find that one!!!

    kudos! we are not worthy

  3. ZSG says:

    squirrelgirl,

    Rush Limbaugh, not yet. Someday maybe. Thanks for noticing, it is nice to finally get some respect from the squirrel community.

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