This New Movie About the Creation of Facebook Sucks, and I haven’t Even Seen it

When is the fucking glorification and empowering of nerds going to end? I’ve had enough. I know and have accepted as fact that the golden age of the nerd is upon us. I wax nostalgic about days of yore when nerds were glorified only in parody, as in the masterpiece of cinema “Revenge of the Nerds”. It seems that many today do not remember such pieces of artistic mastery and factual information. In modern times we are fed false tales of glorified nerd activity such as “21″ or “Social Network”. The past few decades have been the perfect storm for nerds. The communication and computer revolution have ushered in a new world order where for the moment, nerds are seemingly on top. Because they have chosen to spend their youth not in the ball fields or gaming halls, but rather in their bedrooms, curtains drawn and huddled over their PC, suddenly they find themselves with the high-paying jobs. But really that is where the story ends, or should end. This isn’t getting nerds laid. This isn’t getting nerds invited to hot parties. This isn’t getting nerds to the front of the line for opening night at the new club. But Hollywood wants you to believe it is. In Hollywood hackers look like Hugh Jackman and have Hally Berry sweating their cock. No one is buying it…yet. But keep misleading people with nerd fluff pieces such as these and who knows what might happen? Suddenly you open your door one morning and the sky is yellow, the sun is blue, and it is raining straight up from the ground.

It may well be time for a counter-nerd revolution. Meat heads and cool people alike taking to the streets, bouncing nerd heads off of curbs and mashing them into toilets for a fresh flush. These nerds need to be reminded that while you may be able to somehow CTRL + ALT + DELETE a way to kill a deer, men with fists and clubs can at any moment arrive and steal that deer away from you, and women will fuck them for it.
Enjoy your day in the sun nerds. A day of reckoning is coming, and my man Ogre awaits.

About Zach

Male homo sapien. Warrior poet. I live in Chicago with one wife, one offspring, and Scout the dog. I enjoy various stuff. Besides skinny skiing and going to bullfights on acid, I also enjoy running, reading, drinking, eating and procrastinating on many things, such as starting this blog. I have a mom, a dad, and a younger brother who recently produced a sister-in-law. I'm the only person in my family, sister-in-law included, who doesn't have a post-graduate degree. I guess that makes me special. I grew up in a small to medium sized town in the middle of Ohio. In fact the even smaller town next door has a sign which reads "The Geographic Center of Ohio". Given this is what they choose to boast you can only imagine how exciting that town is. My town is infinitely cooler. For example on weekend nights people from my town and the surrounding villages and hamlets converge on the public square to "cruise" in their souped-up mini trucks, some bearing Confederate flags, despite growing up and living rather safely north of the Mason-Dixon line. This is high-minded stuff we're talking about here. I graduated sometime during the Clinton presidency from the local high school where I played football and participated in absolutely nothing else. This strategy paid huge dividends when I applied to numerous colleges on the eastern seaboard which were highly selective. When you show up to the admissions table with "HIgh School Football and Nothing Else" on your application, you get respect. After graduating from Ohio University with a degree in Economics that I've used for absolutely nothing, I moved to Boston. Boston is a lovely city. I was doing things I'm not proud of for beer money and I left after 16 months. My next move was to Chicago and 10+ years later there I still reside. I write this blog for therapeutic reasons. Much like some people paint to relax or smoke crack to unwind after a stressful day, I record my thoughts on Al Gore's World Wide Web for 9 friends, 4 family members, 1 person who accidentally clicked through after an unsuccessful Google search for something else, and a guy named Patriot1 who lives in a silver Air Stream in the Nevada desert and broadcasts his own radio show. Is there a point to all of this? I doubt it. Years ago and in a galaxy far, far away (College Park, Maryland, then Athens, Ohio) I was toying with the idea of being a journalism major. I enjoyed writing so it seemed the obvious fit. Then I attended career day and learned that journalism majors could look forward to a salary of $EA,TSH.IT per year with the promise of a fatal heart attack at 47 years of age. I'm not falling for that trick, I told them (them being no one, and told being saying it in my own mind in the shower). Approximately 15 years later here I sit declared the big winner in that battle: I never made any money doing anything else and now I'm writing entirely for free. So suck balls, journalism career day. The views expressed in this website are mine and mine entirely. I don't wish to be an even bigger black eye to my family than I probably already am. As a result of this I will never be able to run for public office and I accept that reality. But this website is a very dignified, well-dressed skeleton full of witty retorts and honorable deeds compared to the disheveled, stenching, staggering and loud skeletons who would come marching out of the closet to White Zombie's "Thunderkiss '65" if they ever unearthed the college years. So enjoy your train ride, your hangover day at work, your AA meeting or your dump. I'm here to serve.
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3 Responses to This New Movie About the Creation of Facebook Sucks, and I haven’t Even Seen it

  1. Aaron says:

    Great post. I couldn't agree more with the reshuffling of the pecking order in popular culture. Good shit.

  2. Aaron says:

    After taking another L in the battle of what to watch on TV to my wife, I was forced to watch the Movie “Lucas” starring Corey Haim, Kerry Green (Andy from Goonies),Charlie Sheen and Jeremy Piven with a full head of hair. Anyway, the movie highlights the physical inadequacies of Lucas and goes as far as to explain the Darwinian logic of why women like alpha males. Furthermore, it shows how intelligence, no matter how profound, will never turn a woman on. As the movie unfolds, the movies heroine falls for the jock type, leaving Lucas to feel slighted. Lucas then tries out for the football team in an effort to display physical prowess. He is quickly injured do to his peevish stature and carted off the field. I liked this because the nerd did not get the girl and was crushed when he tried to overcome his genetic disposition. People need to see things like this.

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