The Entire Palin Family are Trash as White as the Driven Snow

These fucktards truly have the “whole package”. The patriarch is the First Dude, races shit with his drinkin’ buddies, is dumber than a bag of hammers, and likely enjoys professional wrestling. We’ve got a matriarch who really serves as the patriarch, but with female genitalia. She’s similarly stupid, but is willing to have her own parents tortured by The Spanish Inquisition if it promises to land her a 5 minute interview on Oprah. There are mentally disabled children, pregnant un-wed high-schoolers, wild drunken shopping sprees once the gang hits The Big Apple, baby-daddies walking away from the family and doing porn only to return once they realize it pays better to be a dingleberry on the ass of the Palins that it does to go solo and rely on your own severely limited intellect, and I’m pretty sure there are at minimum 17 cans of Busch in the fridge at all times. Sarah Palin isn’t a politician, nor is she a viable candidate for the position of leader of government for one of the largest, wealthiest and most influential nations on earth. The fact that she is in fact a viable candidate for this position is laughable at best. Unfortunately the reality of the situation is that she is. But I digress. We’ve now got the ex-porn baby-daddy back in the picture to woo the critically stupid unwed baby-momma Palin daughter into marrying him. Meanwhile the mom is pretending to not sanction the union so that in due time she can call a high-ratings news conference to announce that she is capable of forgiveness and compassion as she tells morons everywhere that she now sanctions the marriage that she previously feigned not sanctioning (this is foreshadowing folks, just give it time, it will happen). We can only assume the First Dude is dealing with all of this the only way he knows how: pushing the gas pedal on some form of gas-powered vehicle until it hits metal, and drinkin’ aggressively. The above is real. How amazing is that? The person you next call “President” might be from this very clan. There is no point in liberals or intellectual Republicans arguing further on the point of her not being fit to lead the United States. Its a waste of time because fit or unfit, it could happen. Palin is nothing more than Brittney Spears. But instead of Queen of Pop, a team of media and public relations experts are aiming to make her Queen of America. Quoth the Ozzie, “We’re going off the rails on a crazy train…” We have to admire Sarah Palin. She is pretty, has great legs and decent tits. She knows nothing about politics, governance, law, the United States, and she has absolutely nothing between her ears….nada, zero, zip, zilch. If you want proof just look at a couple of her most shining moments:

Palin said Vladimir Putin flies his jet over Alaska on the way to D.C., which qualifies her on matters of foreign policy. Okay Tits McGhee, I’m sure Putin takes the 36-hour flight 3/4 of the way around the planet, via Siberia and Alaska, rather than take the 10-12 hour flight 1/4 of the way, via the Atlantic. Makes sense, you fucking twit.

She further highlights her foreign policy qualifications by saying she can see Russia from Alaska. The capital of Alaska is Juneau. Juneau is 600 air miles southeast of Anchorage. Anchorage is still far the fuck east of Russia. You can’t fucking see Russia, you complete and utter lipsticked ass clown.

When Couric dropped the most challenging question in the history of man at her: “Name one newspaper or magazine”, Palin was understandably stumped. I don’t know which intellectual or fast talkin’ snake oil salesman could have produced (and mind you, just one generic word would have sufficed) “The Times” or “The Post” or even “The Tribune“, but I certainly don’t want to be in the same room with that type of scumbag.

So kudos to her for ignoring her own intellectual constraints and using her jugs, her gams, her smile and unquenchable thirst for power to get where she is. In times past these attributes could get you far, say top of the charts, top of the box office, inheritance from a spiteful dying Texas oilman, a Kennedy brother’s dick in your mouth, etc. However in this current epoch of media hysteria and the public’s hunger for it, Palin is the one-in-a-million with a chance to parlay her qualities into a shot at the ultimate prize. We’re talking about a bitch who would, without thinking twice, swim 5k through a lake of Ebola-positive baboon blood just to have her name in lights.

Should this Jerry Springer episode park its double-wide trailer at 1600 Pennsylvania Ave with the snow mobiles on blocks in the front yard and empty bottles of hooch on the porch in 2012, we’ve only got ourselves to blame. My sincere wish at that point is the First Dude to start hanging out with Slick Willy. Imagine all the 5′s and 6′s passed out naked all over the White House front lawn…..

About Zach

Male homo sapien. Warrior poet. I live in Chicago with one wife, one offspring, and Scout the dog. I enjoy various stuff. Besides skinny skiing and going to bullfights on acid, I also enjoy running, reading, drinking, eating and procrastinating on many things, such as starting this blog. I have a mom, a dad, and a younger brother who recently produced a sister-in-law. I'm the only person in my family, sister-in-law included, who doesn't have a post-graduate degree. I guess that makes me special. I grew up in a small to medium sized town in the middle of Ohio. In fact the even smaller town next door has a sign which reads "The Geographic Center of Ohio". Given this is what they choose to boast you can only imagine how exciting that town is. My town is infinitely cooler. For example on weekend nights people from my town and the surrounding villages and hamlets converge on the public square to "cruise" in their souped-up mini trucks, some bearing Confederate flags, despite growing up and living rather safely north of the Mason-Dixon line. This is high-minded stuff we're talking about here. I graduated sometime during the Clinton presidency from the local high school where I played football and participated in absolutely nothing else. This strategy paid huge dividends when I applied to numerous colleges on the eastern seaboard which were highly selective. When you show up to the admissions table with "HIgh School Football and Nothing Else" on your application, you get respect. After graduating from Ohio University with a degree in Economics that I've used for absolutely nothing, I moved to Boston. Boston is a lovely city. I was doing things I'm not proud of for beer money and I left after 16 months. My next move was to Chicago and 10+ years later there I still reside. I write this blog for therapeutic reasons. Much like some people paint to relax or smoke crack to unwind after a stressful day, I record my thoughts on Al Gore's World Wide Web for 9 friends, 4 family members, 1 person who accidentally clicked through after an unsuccessful Google search for something else, and a guy named Patriot1 who lives in a silver Air Stream in the Nevada desert and broadcasts his own radio show. Is there a point to all of this? I doubt it. Years ago and in a galaxy far, far away (College Park, Maryland, then Athens, Ohio) I was toying with the idea of being a journalism major. I enjoyed writing so it seemed the obvious fit. Then I attended career day and learned that journalism majors could look forward to a salary of $EA,TSH.IT per year with the promise of a fatal heart attack at 47 years of age. I'm not falling for that trick, I told them (them being no one, and told being saying it in my own mind in the shower). Approximately 15 years later here I sit declared the big winner in that battle: I never made any money doing anything else and now I'm writing entirely for free. So suck balls, journalism career day. The views expressed in this website are mine and mine entirely. I don't wish to be an even bigger black eye to my family than I probably already am. As a result of this I will never be able to run for public office and I accept that reality. But this website is a very dignified, well-dressed skeleton full of witty retorts and honorable deeds compared to the disheveled, stenching, staggering and loud skeletons who would come marching out of the closet to White Zombie's "Thunderkiss '65" if they ever unearthed the college years. So enjoy your train ride, your hangover day at work, your AA meeting or your dump. I'm here to serve.
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2 Responses to The Entire Palin Family are Trash as White as the Driven Snow

  1. Nick says:

    Slick Willy definitely needs to make a return to the White House. Too bad Yeltsin isn't still around, or they could have a real party.

  2. Anonymous says:

    you can question her credibility, but you must admit her sweater puppies are stellar……………………..

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