Because you are going straight to the 7th Level. You are not going to pass GO, you will not collect $200. You are going to be skull-fucked in an eternal hell fire. You cowardly, putrid, diseased rhinoceros pizzle. I was so saddened, and I mean like end of Old Yeller saddened, when I found out you successfully killed yourself. I’d envisioned you being raped savagely and repeatedly by grizzly bears and lions before one of them dealt the death blow to your jugular. But alas you are nothing but a selfish cunt who has destroyed 4 dozen wild animals that never did shit to you. I want to rail against Sheriff Lutz and his deputies who killed most of the animals, but I wasn’t there. I doubt a contingency plan was in place for what to do if you encounter 50 exotic wild predators in rural Ohio. I’m pretty certain that the first responders with the assault rifles were like little kids on Christmas morning when they found out they could indiscriminately kill a shitload of big game animals that would otherwise require them to pay about $500,000 and go to either British Columbia or Africa. But I wasn’t sitting there with them in the rain staring down a grizzly bear, so I’ll refrain from harping on this point. I wish calls could have been made while the 25 animals still on the site were just hanging out next to their cages to see how long it would take for an appropriate response team to arrive and deal with them. But again, I am neither charged with protecting the human citizenry of Zanesville nor was I in a Mexican staring contest with a lion. Fault lies with the state of Ohio for allowing people to keep exotic pets, and with Terry Thompson, the raging fuckface of the year who is too big a pussy to face the music. If you were really an animal “rescuer”, then I’m quite certain you would not have released all these animals into their certain doom before you canceled yourself. And I’m pretty sure you were hoping they took a few humans down along the way. The only good news to come out of this sad story is that you are fucking dead and no one is going to have to deal with your loser ass ever again. Rest In whatever the opposite of Peace is. Dick.
I like animals more than humans, and it isn’t a close contest. If a golden retriever and some dude I don’t know are both about to wash over Niagara Falls, and I have only one stick to extend and save one of them….well, lets just say some family is going to be really happy to get their dog back.