Tag Archives: scout

It’s a CELEBRATION Bitches!!!

I got my double beer helmet, my beer bong, my bong bong, my money boxers, pocket full ‘o Magnums, rohypnol, “Who Farted?” t-shirt, and you fucking well know I pre-gamed!  Wait, what the fuck are we celebrating?  I’ll tell you … Continue reading

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The Scout Chronicles: My Boss Needs to Get Off My Ass

My boss and all his goddamn “deadlines” can kiss my hairy fucking ass.  The Scoutmeister is taking a personal day, and that is the end of the story.

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The Scout Chronicles: Summer is Ruining Barbecues Season!

What up Asshats?  The ol’ Scoutmeister is changing his tune on Summer in Chicago.  Years past (and I can only recall 2 thus far, though my ability to comprehend passage of time is limited to nonexistent) I would get all … Continue reading

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The Scout Chronicles: If that Miniature Poodle at the Corner of Sedgwick & Goethe Looks at me One More Fucking Time…….

……I swear to God we’re going to fucking Fist City. I’ve tried to be the bigger dog and let his bullshit go unchecked for the last fucking time. Little asshole is a savage and has no place in decent society. … Continue reading

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The Scout Chronicles: If Anyone is Listening….GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF HERE!!!

This is not a joke. This is a fucking emergency. I’d call 911 but I don’t have fucking thumbs. The goddamn iPhones my parents just bought operate on body heat, and guess what? Apparently dog paw nails don’t produce any … Continue reading

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The Scout Chronicles: I Think Someone is Trying to Pull an “Inception” on my Ass

Although I can’t be 100% sure, I think I’m being Inceptioned. And if the movie taught me anything, it’s that you don’t even know you are being Inceptioned. What I do know is that if I wake up at any … Continue reading

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The Scout Chronicles: I Just Learned the Story of Jesus Today from that Religious Freak Beagle in the Dog Park

He told me all about it. I think that little fucker is tooting blow in his kennel all day. He will not shut the fuck up about Christ and the Holy Spirit and how you’ve got to give up dry-humping … Continue reading

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The Scout Chronicles: I Took it in the Ass on Thanksgiving Day

Get that fucking camera out of my face asshole! You wouldn’t be smiling either if you got rail-roaded like I did on “Turkey Day”. More like “Same ‘Ol Dried Hippie Dog Food Bullshit Day” for the Scoutmeister. The day started … Continue reading

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The Scout Chronicles: Big Ass Dump Today!

You should have seen this pile I curled a while ago. Minding my own business trying to get some beauty sleep when that goddamned alarm goes off. I ignored it per usual but mom and dad were up like the … Continue reading

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