Tag Archives: celebrity

The Scout Chronicles: I Think Someone is Trying to Pull an “Inception” on my Ass

Although I can’t be 100% sure, I think I’m being Inceptioned. And if the movie taught me anything, it’s that you don’t even know you are being Inceptioned. What I do know is that if I wake up at any … Continue reading

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Can Charlie Sheen get any Awesomer???

If you are anywhere….a party, a bar, at work, at the ball game, at church, at a bar mitzvah, at your grandma’s house for Easter dinner, anywhere….and someone tells you that “Charlie Sheen is out of control and needs help”….don’t … Continue reading

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Could Everyone Quit Fucking “Checking In” Already

The Internet giveth, and the Internet taketh away. We as humans cannot blame the Creator for the sharks or the influenza or the cockroaches or The View or any of the Kardashians. We can only praise him for the good … Continue reading

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Studio 54 should have been rated NC/17

Given that I’m slowing dying faster than a Medieval peasant after sticking his hand in a rat den, I had the opportunity to re-watch Studio 54 this morning. It was the only alternative to morning talk show drivel, not to … Continue reading

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George Clooney Fucked Your Sister While You Read this Headline

He banged her and told her to get the fuck out of his hotel room before you even read the word “Headline”. Deal with it. If you’re extra-lucky, George Clooney might bang you some day. He doesn’t want to hear … Continue reading

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Jay Cutler is a Fucking Warrior

He sat out the second half of the Bears NFC Championship game with a sprained MCL. What a modern day Hector of Troy. It is a little known fact, but Hannibal of Carthage actually sat out the Battle of Zama … Continue reading

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There is Only One Way to Teach People to Respect the Value of Human Life: Kill Some Mutherfuckers

Two weeks ago the corner where I get dropped off by the bus each day after work was shut down for the entire night by Chicago Police, Fire Department, Bomb Squad, Traffic Wardens, Garbage Men, Vagrants, you name it and … Continue reading

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I’ve Heard there are People who don’t Like “The Town”

Those people should really be spending their time trying to erase the encyclopedia of kiddie porn they have stored on their hard drive (and please remember to empty the recycle bin) before the Feds arrive with a warrant. Unless you … Continue reading

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EMERGENCY BROADCAST: Katy Perry Shows Some Cleavage on Seasame Street….Pick up the Red Phone and Call Fucking Batman!

That is the last straw, I’m packing up the wife and kids and moving to fucking Iran. I will not sit idly by and tolerate my children or anyone else’s children being exposed to evil, dirty, vulgar, partially-exposed breasts. If … Continue reading

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I Dominated my Fantasy Draft

Here’s a recap of what I picked (you are all straight fucked): Black WizardSword of SaranonPower CrystalsForest ElvesSea of WoeHills of Theodora7 TrollsIntimidating ShoutSamnai the Swordsman As you can see this fantasy season is mine. First game of the year … Continue reading

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