Tag Archives: celebrity

The Oscars are the Absolute Greatest…….

……..pile of shit television awards show known to man. Are those people serious? Yes they are, because they get their pompous panties in a ruffle every time an unserious person like Seth McFarlane points out what smug, self-important fart quaffers they all are. … Continue reading

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Dear Obama: What the World Needs Now is a GANGSTER

Barack, this is fucking serious.  This is 4th and 19, down 6, with 37 seconds to go in the Super Bowl.  You have before you a unique moment in world history, and you are the quarterback of the best team.  … Continue reading

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Movie Review: “Soul Surfer” Gets 4 1/2 Stars

Out of 100,000,000 stars.  The absolute worst movies get 1 star.  The best movies get 100,000,000 stars.  I give this movie 4 1/2 stars. I guess I’m not the target audience.  I’m not sure who is the target audience–maybe really, … Continue reading

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Be Very Careful if Going to Watch the Conan The Barbarian Remake

If you are headed to the theatre this weekend to watch this coathanger abortion of a remake of the classic Arnold-led Conan The Barbarian, you need to be prepared for the possibility that something really horrible is going to befall … Continue reading

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Apparently My Little Brother has Never Seen “Point Break”. How Do You Address a Situation Like That?

He is too old and too big to challenge to a fight over it.  I guess I could attack him with a baseball bat or a wrench or a sock filled with marbles or something.  Mostly I’m just sick to … Continue reading

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Some Famous Asshole Needs to Start Wearing Skirts

And do it stat.  Been hotter than Texas asphalt in Joo-lie all summer and I’ve still got a pants crotch stuffed all up in my gear.  Yeah shorts are alright, but skirts are the cat’s ass.  I wore a skirt … Continue reading

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Allison Rosati, Sweetheart, Can We Talk about this Haircut?

Allison, you are a successful news anchor over there at NBC 5.  And Chicago isn’t exactly a back-water market.  There are plenty of hosts and anchors on national stations via the Windy City to prove that Chicago is a major … Continue reading

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Amy Winehouse is Dead. I Never Saw it Coming.

Nooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I don’t want to live anymore!!!!!!!  She was so full of life, how can she be dead?  I just don’t get it, she looked fantastic!  Why, why goddamnit, do they always take the good ones?????  It isn’t fair, it … Continue reading

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Could Someone Please Tell Maria Shriver to Quit being such a Pussy

Your husband fathered a child with an employee behind your back. WAAAAHHHHH! Shut the fuck up already. Who did you think you married, A.C. Green? You married Arnold Fucking Schwarzenegger. Do you think he made himself look like this so … Continue reading

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How do I Enlist in Charlie Sheen’s Army?

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