Listen, everyone is already creeped the fuck out by Catholics, what with the boy-touching and all. I know that I give a very wide berth to Catholic priests when I see them skeezing down the block, sniffing their fingers. One would think they would want to do anything humanly possible to mitigate their own creepiness factor in society. Then Ash Wednesday rolls around. Why o fucking why do they leave the mark of the beast on their foreheads all goddamn day long? I don’t mind if you hold to ancient fatwa and get the mark. But how about this? Walk out of church, walk into McDonald’s, go into the bathroom, and spend 5 seconds wiping that shit off your head? Am I out of the loop? Is being Catholic so fucking cool that you want to leave it on so as to make sure everyone you pass knows just how awesome you are? Maybe that was the case prior to the buggering of the altar boys, but it certainly isn’t the case anymore.
Every year when this happens there is a moment where I have a panic attack and think that a zombie virus hit and I’m going to have the contents of my cranium devoured by the undead. And then I realize it is only the fish-eaters doing their yearly creep-out of all the normals. The lone exception came a few years back when a guy I worked with went out on Ash Wednesday and got utterly pissed. Came into work the next day hungover to the nines. Also forgot to shower, comb his hair, change clothes or remove the eerie Christ tribal tat from his forehead. Now that shit was amusing.