Important Announcement to all People Who Picketed or Held Vigil Outside the Casey Anthony Trial:

Just fucking kill yourself.  That is all.  You bring nothing to the table.  Did you take time off work for this?  What were you hoping to accomplish?  The judge to look out the window and say, “Well, these hillbilly morons apparently think we’ve done this all wrong.  Retire to your respective offices and do it all over again, we’ll retry this whore in 2 weeks”.  The creepy-assed Jesus’y types are the ones that scare me the most.  It is like creepy assed Jesus’y people don’t need jobs or income.  Who supports them?  Does Jesus do a direct-deposit into their bank accounts each month or something (and yes, it is a HUGE stretch to imagine these people have bank accounts)?  Like this chick on the left with the black t-shirt.  I’m pretty certain that is Hey-Zeus on the print, inside the fiery abyss.  What the fuck does she do all day?  Wait for the public interest story du jour to whip into a froth and then show up with some shitty hand-scrawled sign with a barely literate message and some exclamation points?  Who is paying for that sweet-ride t-shirt and arm band tattoo?  Actually I know the answer to that question.  When Jesus is no longer willing to play sugar daddy for these losers, we the taxpayer fund this stupidity.  What was I thinking?  This bitch has been on public assistance since the day after Kurt Cobain killed himself, and she hasn’t been off it since.  If you were standing outside this courtroom, or were in a church in the vicinity holding vigil for poor little Kaylee, then you need to go home and take a cold, hard look in the mirror and consider what you are doing with your life.  If you like what you see and think you are doing God’s work by loitering in public outside of events that have no effect whatever on your own personal life, then let’s do everyone a favor and affix a bed sheet to your neck, loop the other end around the blades on the nearest ceiling fan, and flick the switch on the wall to “ON”.  Other than one cameraman for NBC who will look into the crowd and say “Where is that crazy fat bitch with the Garfield sweat shirt that always holds the sign that says ’The Rain is Kaylee’s Tears from Heaven’ today?”, no one is going to miss you.  In fact I’m willing to assume you won’t be discovered until the landlord shows up in 3 months to ask where the rent is, and he smells something.   

And even more importantly, if you are at home on a computer and you are writing about how big of losers the people are who are there picketing and holding vigil…..then you are fucking awesome and bitches DIG you.  Proceed with no caution and continue spending your time writing something that 20 people read.  You ARE doing God’s work.  He told me (actually God is a she, how else can you explain Oprah being a billionaire?). 

About Zach

Male homo sapien. Warrior poet. I live in Chicago with one wife, one offspring, and Scout the dog. I enjoy various stuff. Besides skinny skiing and going to bullfights on acid, I also enjoy running, reading, drinking, eating and procrastinating on many things, such as starting this blog. I have a mom, a dad, and a younger brother who recently produced a sister-in-law. I'm the only person in my family, sister-in-law included, who doesn't have a post-graduate degree. I guess that makes me special. I grew up in a small to medium sized town in the middle of Ohio. In fact the even smaller town next door has a sign which reads "The Geographic Center of Ohio". Given this is what they choose to boast you can only imagine how exciting that town is. My town is infinitely cooler. For example on weekend nights people from my town and the surrounding villages and hamlets converge on the public square to "cruise" in their souped-up mini trucks, some bearing Confederate flags, despite growing up and living rather safely north of the Mason-Dixon line. This is high-minded stuff we're talking about here. I graduated sometime during the Clinton presidency from the local high school where I played football and participated in absolutely nothing else. This strategy paid huge dividends when I applied to numerous colleges on the eastern seaboard which were highly selective. When you show up to the admissions table with "HIgh School Football and Nothing Else" on your application, you get respect. After graduating from Ohio University with a degree in Economics that I've used for absolutely nothing, I moved to Boston. Boston is a lovely city. I was doing things I'm not proud of for beer money and I left after 16 months. My next move was to Chicago and 10+ years later there I still reside. I write this blog for therapeutic reasons. Much like some people paint to relax or smoke crack to unwind after a stressful day, I record my thoughts on Al Gore's World Wide Web for 9 friends, 4 family members, 1 person who accidentally clicked through after an unsuccessful Google search for something else, and a guy named Patriot1 who lives in a silver Air Stream in the Nevada desert and broadcasts his own radio show. Is there a point to all of this? I doubt it. Years ago and in a galaxy far, far away (College Park, Maryland, then Athens, Ohio) I was toying with the idea of being a journalism major. I enjoyed writing so it seemed the obvious fit. Then I attended career day and learned that journalism majors could look forward to a salary of $EA,TSH.IT per year with the promise of a fatal heart attack at 47 years of age. I'm not falling for that trick, I told them (them being no one, and told being saying it in my own mind in the shower). Approximately 15 years later here I sit declared the big winner in that battle: I never made any money doing anything else and now I'm writing entirely for free. So suck balls, journalism career day. The views expressed in this website are mine and mine entirely. I don't wish to be an even bigger black eye to my family than I probably already am. As a result of this I will never be able to run for public office and I accept that reality. But this website is a very dignified, well-dressed skeleton full of witty retorts and honorable deeds compared to the disheveled, stenching, staggering and loud skeletons who would come marching out of the closet to White Zombie's "Thunderkiss '65" if they ever unearthed the college years. So enjoy your train ride, your hangover day at work, your AA meeting or your dump. I'm here to serve.
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4 Responses to Important Announcement to all People Who Picketed or Held Vigil Outside the Casey Anthony Trial:

  1. Anonymous says:

    It's only every so often that somebody more reprehensible — according to public opinion, at least — than these troglodytes comes along. They're going to take every chance at self-validation they can get.


  2. Anonymous says:

    Dude you rock! How about an article on the opportunity cost having a 12″ donger and retiring it to one broad?

  3. ZSG says:

    HMS–You are spot-on. Will do, asap.

  4. Anonymous says:

    HMS with brilliant insight on this one!

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