Cats are still all over that joint, getting their dicks blown off. Country isn’t one goddamned inch closer to governing itself, and do they even want to? Democracy doesn’t work for everyone, get over it. And while we’re at it, solid work escalating the clusterfuck in Afghanistan that is similarly going nowhere fast.
I’m really the aggrieved party here. I was going to write in Lawrence Taylor for president and mail it in back in 2008. Instead, based primarily on my confidence that he’d end the oil theft in the desert, I got my ass out of bed early and waited in a fucking obscene line to vote for the black Tony Robbins. What a waste of my morning. Rest assured I won’t repeat that mistake in 2012. My time would be better spent shooting crank into my toenails with toothless hillbillies in a Red Roof Inn underneath a highway overpass in Huntington, West Virginia.
I can sum up American Governance by quoting one scene from an episode of The Simpsons: Krusty the Clown is voted into the House of Representatives by the citizens of Springfield because he swore that he would have planes rerouted so they no longer were a noise pollution issue. When he fails to do this, the Simpson family tracks him down in Washington. They find Krusty sitting in a bar on Capitol Hill completely pissed on a bottle of Bourbon. Lisa yells at him, “Krusty, you didn’t keep your campaign promise!”. Krusty responds with, “Did I promise to become a whore for big oil?”. Poignant.