I haven’t heard a peep out of a Notre Dame fan since Monday night’s prison rape. Someone failed to tell the Fighting Irish-who showed up with pocket knives-that this was a gun fight. They could not even defend themselves, just lying on their backs with all paws in the air, exposing their genitals and looking away from their attackers. They weren’t making many mistakes and were not turning the ball over. The lone interception wasn’t a bad throw-it was just superior defense and incredible athleticism. If it had been turnovers and penalties they could have said “We made too many mistakes today”. That was certainly not the case. Notre Dame was outclassed at each and every position on the field, in many cases outclassed by a very wide margin. If Notre Dame had been a derby horse, someone would have walked out onto the field in the 2nd quarter and shot it in the head. There was no reason for either them, or their fans, to endure the end of the first and the entire second half. That was just cruel. Notre Dame could have brought a 12th player onto the field for the entire game and it would have been inconsequential.
And how badly do all the organizations who made Manti Te’o their national player of the year wish they could have a mulligan on that one? It appeared that Te’o did not realize he was playing in a football game on Monday night. He seemed to think that he was scheduled to act in a Shakespeare in the Park production of Hamlet, and not the BCS National Title game. His draft stock is falling faster than Groupon. He looked like he was massively stoned and wearing roller skates. To save face and a few million dollars he should have pulled the Rodney Dangerfield from Caddyshack and started shaking his arm in the 1st quarter and claimed it was broken. He was the guy in your platoon who dominated basic training, finishing first in every physical fitness test and talking about how many zips he was going kill. Then the first time Charlie attacked he stumbled around with a wide, far-away stare and the unmistakable stench of feces in his trousers. If the goal was to be in the wrong place as many times as possible, and when you were in the right place to completely miss the tackle, he would have been the MVP of that game without a doubt. He seems like a great guy and I wish him the best, but if possible he needs to take this to court and have it officially ruled that it wasn’t actually him on the field Monday night.
It is a sub-optimal outcome that yet another SEC national title winner was declared. SEC fans are obnoxious as all fucking hell and I wish them the worst. I’ve never met a group of people who root for a conference just as much as their own team. It is odd to say the least. I’ve heard people who are Tennessee fans, which is an absolute train wreck of a program the past five years, screaming about the SEC. Shut the fuck up already, your team is shit. The bottom line is that if you stay off the television and online chatrooms, you can more or less avoid them altogether. Most don’t have enough money to leave the southeast. Golden Domers on the other hand are everyfuckingwhere, and their alumni are for the most part upwardly mobile. You cannot hide from their arrogance. Monday night is a lesson that none of them can claim to have not learned. As much as it pains me to say this, anyone watching that BCS National Title cannot with a straight face say that their (insert name of team you root for here) would have suffered a better fate. It was perfection on a college football field, plain and simple. Do I like Alabama? No. Do I think that Saban is a slimy fucking snake? Yes. Do I think Saban has built Alabama into a unarguable juggernaut that destroys nearly everything in its path? Absolutely. It is what it is. But at the end of this particular day his tidal wave made a direct hit on South Bend and obliterated not only the lives but the hopes of all who call it home. And for that a major national crisis of assholery was averted. I haven’t heard one single word from any Notre Dame fan, not even an excuse. They simply aren’t talking-about anything. The most obnoxious fan in my office didn’t even come to work Tuesday. This is as it should be.