Category Archives: Uncategorized

Happy Thieving Genocidal Maniac Day Everyone!

I feel very strongly that I have a civic duty to announce on Columbus Day exactly what we Americans are celebrating. I lack the words to improve in any way those directly from the horse’s mouth. The below is an … Continue reading

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Well, the Planet’s Fucked, No Biggie

I’m going to do my very best to keep the preachy as fuckedness of this post to an absolute minimum. The United Nations report on climate change, 2014 edition, which is set to officially drop in the next couple of … Continue reading

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Stick Figure Family Car Stickers: Another Reason I’m Stupid

Yet another mind-blowingly easy way to trick stupid people out of their money, and here I sit holding my dick getting pissed about it. www.familystickers.com 100-Me Zero. I’ve detailed similar missed riches in a previous post regarding Joel Osteen (though … Continue reading

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The Pajama Bottoms Trend is Pure Shite

Listen up assholes: It isn’t outerwear. The last straw officially broke the camel’s back last night, 21:00 central time in Oak Park, Illinois. I was walking Scout for his evening constitutional when a couple, of the biblical “one man and … Continue reading

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Fantasy Draft Rager Details

Got the fantasy football draft party deets on lock down bitches! This is going to be like infinity cooler than last year when we got to the private party room at Applebee’s only to find it had already been rented … Continue reading

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Time to Step Up My Haircut Game

My haircut has grown stale and it is time for change. Step into a new hairstyle and all the confidence that comes with it. I’ve thought long and hard and I think I’m going Samurai. As seen above or possibly … Continue reading

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My Grandmas are Absolute STUDS

Delores and Jeanne, you absolutely, positively, fucking crush it. Five kids each, all of them still alive with all ten contributing to society. I have two now, the second having arrived in May, and my wife and I are physically … Continue reading

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It is All Over for Me

I may as well get a blue tooth ear piece and a fuckin’ fanny pack because it is clearly curtains for me as a marginally with-it person. Although it would seem, and maybe this is another example of how out … Continue reading

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I Crossed Paths with a Mythical Beast

It was a day like any other. The skies were not ominous and no portents of doom were apparent. I strolled into the gym as I would any morning; over-tired, miserable and recoiling from 1,000 megawatts of fluorescent light assaulting … Continue reading

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Better Lock Your Doors and Load Your Guns

Because Zombie Christ is about to hit the streets, and he wants brains. Risen and hungry. All the zombie movies, all the zombie TV shows, all the zombie genre fans, all of them, need to remember who the OZ is: … Continue reading

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