BCS Championship: This Time We Both Lose Johnny

We are about 3 hours away from kickoff and I still have no idea who I’m rooting for. Normally in a game like this I’d root for the Al Queda Network. But alas I know a couple of people who will be in the stadium tonight and I actually like them. So I won’t be rooting for international terrorism, unfortunately. On one side you’ve got obnoxious, elitist assholes who love nothing more than to let people know they went to one of the most expensive private schools in the world. Probably worse is that with them you also get their legions of non-alumni fans who are just as obnoxious, if not more so, that jumped on their bandwagon during some period of prior success or who are just Catholic. On the other side is an equally successful program historically, with a seething fan base that loves to root for their black athletes on the field and then use racist rhetoric to discuss them off it. If you’d like to see these fans in action rather than taking my word for it, then go on You Tube and find the episode of The Ali G Show when the character “Bruno” manages to perform with the Alabama cheerleading squad. This is a real quandary for me personally. The SEC has become tiresome and they need to be stopped. I just never thought it would be by Notre Dame. It has the feel of Union versus Confederacy, doesn’t it? I of course would root Union if we’re looking at it that way. But the flip side is that I have to live day-to-day among Domers and they can be downright intolerable to the insufferable power. If Notre Dame wins tonight they are absolutely going to behave as though the past 2 decades of mediocrity to downright shittiness never even happened. They’ll be like Germans when you ask about 1937-1945: “Nussing happen den. Nussing. It was gay time fare ull. Nussing happen den. Less talks abote den 1870′s, ven Otto kicking der ass.”

I just don’t know who I hate more. I’m trying to be more positive in general (That should last a couple of hours) so maybe I’ll look at it this way: If Notre Dame wins it ends the SEC’s recent reign of terror; If Alabama wins I don’t have to walk around Chicago for two weeks wearing studio headphones and not making eye contact with anyone. But regardless of outcome, this time we both lose Johnny.

About Zach

Male homo sapien. Warrior poet. I live in Chicago with one wife, one offspring, and Scout the dog. I enjoy various stuff. Besides skinny skiing and going to bullfights on acid, I also enjoy running, reading, drinking, eating and procrastinating on many things, such as starting this blog. I have a mom, a dad, and a younger brother who recently produced a sister-in-law. I'm the only person in my family, sister-in-law included, who doesn't have a post-graduate degree. I guess that makes me special. I grew up in a small to medium sized town in the middle of Ohio. In fact the even smaller town next door has a sign which reads "The Geographic Center of Ohio". Given this is what they choose to boast you can only imagine how exciting that town is. My town is infinitely cooler. For example on weekend nights people from my town and the surrounding villages and hamlets converge on the public square to "cruise" in their souped-up mini trucks, some bearing Confederate flags, despite growing up and living rather safely north of the Mason-Dixon line. This is high-minded stuff we're talking about here. I graduated sometime during the Clinton presidency from the local high school where I played football and participated in absolutely nothing else. This strategy paid huge dividends when I applied to numerous colleges on the eastern seaboard which were highly selective. When you show up to the admissions table with "HIgh School Football and Nothing Else" on your application, you get respect. After graduating from Ohio University with a degree in Economics that I've used for absolutely nothing, I moved to Boston. Boston is a lovely city. I was doing things I'm not proud of for beer money and I left after 16 months. My next move was to Chicago and 10+ years later there I still reside. I write this blog for therapeutic reasons. Much like some people paint to relax or smoke crack to unwind after a stressful day, I record my thoughts on Al Gore's World Wide Web for 9 friends, 4 family members, 1 person who accidentally clicked through after an unsuccessful Google search for something else, and a guy named Patriot1 who lives in a silver Air Stream in the Nevada desert and broadcasts his own radio show. Is there a point to all of this? I doubt it. Years ago and in a galaxy far, far away (College Park, Maryland, then Athens, Ohio) I was toying with the idea of being a journalism major. I enjoyed writing so it seemed the obvious fit. Then I attended career day and learned that journalism majors could look forward to a salary of $EA,TSH.IT per year with the promise of a fatal heart attack at 47 years of age. I'm not falling for that trick, I told them (them being no one, and told being saying it in my own mind in the shower). Approximately 15 years later here I sit declared the big winner in that battle: I never made any money doing anything else and now I'm writing entirely for free. So suck balls, journalism career day. The views expressed in this website are mine and mine entirely. I don't wish to be an even bigger black eye to my family than I probably already am. As a result of this I will never be able to run for public office and I accept that reality. But this website is a very dignified, well-dressed skeleton full of witty retorts and honorable deeds compared to the disheveled, stenching, staggering and loud skeletons who would come marching out of the closet to White Zombie's "Thunderkiss '65" if they ever unearthed the college years. So enjoy your train ride, your hangover day at work, your AA meeting or your dump. I'm here to serve.
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