Gonna fucking ROCK IT tomorrow! Are you ready to fucking rock!?!?!? Huh, I CAN’T HEAR YOU??? I said: “Are you ready to fucking ROCK this Saturday!?!?!?” In case you read as well as you hear, that’s 4 exclamation points and 4 question marks, non consecutive. That means I’m ready. To. Fucking. Rock. Who’s comin’ with me? Oh, what’s goin’ down tomorrow you ask? Neighborhood block party bitchez. Gonna shut the mutherfucker down, 1 block and 1 block only, and turn this mamma-jamma out! Live music? Nope, no live music. Pretty sure someone though is gonna have an outdoor iPod docking station just blasting some Dave Matthews Band. God I fucking hate Dave Matthews Band! It’s gonna be INSANE! Wake and bake? No, none of that, but what if I said “Early morning coffee and donuts”??? That pique your interest party animals? Yours truly has been given the task of talking to the “Candy Man” for some party favors (wink wink wink). Seriously, I’m charged with buying apples and caramel for caramel apples that we plan to make. So who wants to meet me at the local farmer’s market at 7:05am CST and fucking ROCK IT!? We’ll just roll up in that farmer’s market, get up in there deep and…..well we need to buy a lot of apples. We’ll need several bags. Going to be pretty heavy. Need to make sure we buy firm apples with thinner skins. I’m buying so you don’t need money, but you better be ready to party.
As we approach noon there’s gonna be buh….buh…..buh….bouncy house playaz! That’s right, big ol’ bouncy house for the kids to jump around in. No adults. We’ll be standing outside the bouncy house anxiously awaiting the inevitable sprained ankles and concussions. But pretty sure we’ll be rocking it none the less while we stand on the street staring at it!
Just when you thought this bacchanal couldn’t get any fucking wilder we’ve got……..CHILI. You’re fuckin’-A right clowns, chili. With beans. I don’t think there is going to be a vegetarian chili option but to be honest this shit could get out of control at any moment. So there could very well be a vegetarian chili.
And don’t worry, there will definitely be soda. Also dodgeball. I’m pretty sure some Solo cups of soda will be knocked over by stray dodgeballs, but that is just part of the craziness bros. Where there is dodgeball, you’re gonna have spilled soda. You can’t take the heat, get out of the fucking kitchen!
For those of you who absolutely must take it to the limit, there are supposed to be desserts. Get ready to rock out with your cock out on some apple pie, cake and leaf or pumpkin shaped frosted cookies. Fuck it, there might even be homemade ice cream. If we’re gonna do this then let’s go for broke.
Suffice it to say shits going nuclear on our 1 block of Oak Park tomorrow. We’re gonna party our fucking tits off until probably dark. And there’s a harvest moon, so who the hell knows, this thing might keep right on rocking until 8 or 9pm. Bring your I Don’t Give a Fuck, check your Expectations at the door, and let’s get weird.