An Age-Old Question will be Answered this November

And that question is: Who do fundamentalist bible-thumping dipshits hate more; black people or people who don’t believe in the same Jesus they believe in?  It is going to be a fascinating election in that we will know once and for all who the Jesus-loving, but black, Mexican, Jew, “liberal”, equality hating bible-belt dislikes the most.  Who will their God tell them to go hate?  This is so exciting!  We’re talking about a crowd who actually sent their menfolk to die for the right to enslave and beat the shit out of black people, but who also enslaved the blacks and killed the Indians because God told them it was cool if they did so.  The debate around the Baptist and Pentecostal dinner tables this fall should be absolutely electrifying.     

What is my gut telling me?  Well, here is my prediction: While they will no doubt be quite upset about the fact that Mitt believes in something that they have no concept of, but are pretty sure is some weird Northeasterer liberal-tainted horseshit, at the end of the day he believes in what they likely presume to be some sort of white, blue-eyed God somewhere.  And that might count for something to them.  And of course, he ain’t “some Muslim fuckin’ N%@#&R”.  That is my bold prognostication.  There is just no way that a guy who is fighting to reform health care for the poorest people in the country, most notably bible-belt Southerners, can be trusted, when the guy in question is a fucking Muslim black guy whose name is obviously just a derivative of Osama bin Laden.  No fucking way.  They’ll cast their lot with the weirdo religious freak they don’t understand, know absolutely nothing about, and whose agenda is in direct opposition with anything that might make their lives even one cunt hair better, because hey, at least he’s white.  That counts for something.  It is so damn sad for them that Santorum couldn’t pull it out.  That is just the kind of low-IQ “family values” (family values of intolerance and hatred, of course) mutherfucker they would have loved to rally behind against this modern day Saladin. 

About Zach

Male homo sapien. Warrior poet. I live in Chicago with one wife, one offspring, and Scout the dog. I enjoy various stuff. Besides skinny skiing and going to bullfights on acid, I also enjoy running, reading, drinking, eating and procrastinating on many things, such as starting this blog. I have a mom, a dad, and a younger brother who recently produced a sister-in-law. I'm the only person in my family, sister-in-law included, who doesn't have a post-graduate degree. I guess that makes me special. I grew up in a small to medium sized town in the middle of Ohio. In fact the even smaller town next door has a sign which reads "The Geographic Center of Ohio". Given this is what they choose to boast you can only imagine how exciting that town is. My town is infinitely cooler. For example on weekend nights people from my town and the surrounding villages and hamlets converge on the public square to "cruise" in their souped-up mini trucks, some bearing Confederate flags, despite growing up and living rather safely north of the Mason-Dixon line. This is high-minded stuff we're talking about here. I graduated sometime during the Clinton presidency from the local high school where I played football and participated in absolutely nothing else. This strategy paid huge dividends when I applied to numerous colleges on the eastern seaboard which were highly selective. When you show up to the admissions table with "HIgh School Football and Nothing Else" on your application, you get respect. After graduating from Ohio University with a degree in Economics that I've used for absolutely nothing, I moved to Boston. Boston is a lovely city. I was doing things I'm not proud of for beer money and I left after 16 months. My next move was to Chicago and 10+ years later there I still reside. I write this blog for therapeutic reasons. Much like some people paint to relax or smoke crack to unwind after a stressful day, I record my thoughts on Al Gore's World Wide Web for 9 friends, 4 family members, 1 person who accidentally clicked through after an unsuccessful Google search for something else, and a guy named Patriot1 who lives in a silver Air Stream in the Nevada desert and broadcasts his own radio show. Is there a point to all of this? I doubt it. Years ago and in a galaxy far, far away (College Park, Maryland, then Athens, Ohio) I was toying with the idea of being a journalism major. I enjoyed writing so it seemed the obvious fit. Then I attended career day and learned that journalism majors could look forward to a salary of $EA,TSH.IT per year with the promise of a fatal heart attack at 47 years of age. I'm not falling for that trick, I told them (them being no one, and told being saying it in my own mind in the shower). Approximately 15 years later here I sit declared the big winner in that battle: I never made any money doing anything else and now I'm writing entirely for free. So suck balls, journalism career day. The views expressed in this website are mine and mine entirely. I don't wish to be an even bigger black eye to my family than I probably already am. As a result of this I will never be able to run for public office and I accept that reality. But this website is a very dignified, well-dressed skeleton full of witty retorts and honorable deeds compared to the disheveled, stenching, staggering and loud skeletons who would come marching out of the closet to White Zombie's "Thunderkiss '65" if they ever unearthed the college years. So enjoy your train ride, your hangover day at work, your AA meeting or your dump. I'm here to serve.
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2 Responses to An Age-Old Question will be Answered this November

  1. Anonymous says:

    The responses to this post will serve as an accurate gauge as the IQ of the respective posters. The greater the indignity expressed the lower the intelligence level.
    -JP

  2. Anonymous says:

    I just want to know where his secret super long form birth certificate is.

    -drb

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