Amy Winehouse is Dead. I Never Saw it Coming.

Nooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I don’t want to live anymore!!!!!!!  She was so full of life, how can she be dead?  I just don’t get it, she looked fantastic!  Why, why goddamnit, do they always take the good ones?????  It isn’t fair, it just isn’t fucking fair.  Why couldn’t it have been Bono or some other musician who is out being a destructive force in the world and clearly not taking care of themselves?  Instead it is poor Amy Winehouse who selflessly gave of herself and refused anything in return?  She watched her weight religiously and only smoked crack out of sterilized pipes for Christ’s sake.  She obviously took great pride in her appearance, and was very thankful for the natural gift of melodious voice she was blessed with.  And God had to go and strike her down tragically in her prime like the vindictive cunt he is.  Why?!?!?!?!  I do not want to live in a world where a truly good and decent human being can’t show up late to concerts and when she does show up she is so fucked to the eyeballs on 4 different intoxicants that she can’t remember her own lyrics and gets booed off the stage by the thousands who spent their hard-earned money on the tickets and smokes all day and drinks like a fish and snorts tons of coke and smokes copious amounts of crack and shoots smack and disrespects everyone in her life and then cooks up the speed ball of all speed balls and overdoses….where that person is violently ripped away from us at a young age with her whole life of getting fucked up and not caring about anyone but herself in front of her.  I don’t want to live in that world for one more fucking minute. 

This bitch won awards for a song where the chorus went: “They wanna make me go to rehab, and I said no, no, no”.  And guess what, she didn’t go to fucking rehab.  She talked the talk and she walked the walk.  If you don’t respect that, you are an asshole.  She didn’t pussyfoot around and say she was clean, then relapse, then clean, then court date, then rehab, and all that annoying shit.  She just put the pedal to the metal and drove the bus right off the fucking cliff.  She committed to something and saw it through to the bitter end.  That is grown man shit where I’m from, son.  Hey, smack and crack aren’t really my bag (if I saw a speed ball I’d probably drop into the fetal position in the corner and piss my pants whilst sucking my thumb and crying while the bikers fought over who got to beat me up first), but who am I to tell you it can’t be your thing?  And if it is your thing, be the best at it.  And if doing it so awesome that you die isn’t the best, then what the fuck is?  You think Joe Paterno is going to be called “tragic” or a “failure” when he collapses on the sideline and dies during a game?  Hell no.  So I say rock on Amy, you fucking won. 

About Zach

Male homo sapien. Warrior poet. I live in Chicago with one wife, one offspring, and Scout the dog. I enjoy various stuff. Besides skinny skiing and going to bullfights on acid, I also enjoy running, reading, drinking, eating and procrastinating on many things, such as starting this blog. I have a mom, a dad, and a younger brother who recently produced a sister-in-law. I'm the only person in my family, sister-in-law included, who doesn't have a post-graduate degree. I guess that makes me special. I grew up in a small to medium sized town in the middle of Ohio. In fact the even smaller town next door has a sign which reads "The Geographic Center of Ohio". Given this is what they choose to boast you can only imagine how exciting that town is. My town is infinitely cooler. For example on weekend nights people from my town and the surrounding villages and hamlets converge on the public square to "cruise" in their souped-up mini trucks, some bearing Confederate flags, despite growing up and living rather safely north of the Mason-Dixon line. This is high-minded stuff we're talking about here. I graduated sometime during the Clinton presidency from the local high school where I played football and participated in absolutely nothing else. This strategy paid huge dividends when I applied to numerous colleges on the eastern seaboard which were highly selective. When you show up to the admissions table with "HIgh School Football and Nothing Else" on your application, you get respect. After graduating from Ohio University with a degree in Economics that I've used for absolutely nothing, I moved to Boston. Boston is a lovely city. I was doing things I'm not proud of for beer money and I left after 16 months. My next move was to Chicago and 10+ years later there I still reside. I write this blog for therapeutic reasons. Much like some people paint to relax or smoke crack to unwind after a stressful day, I record my thoughts on Al Gore's World Wide Web for 9 friends, 4 family members, 1 person who accidentally clicked through after an unsuccessful Google search for something else, and a guy named Patriot1 who lives in a silver Air Stream in the Nevada desert and broadcasts his own radio show. Is there a point to all of this? I doubt it. Years ago and in a galaxy far, far away (College Park, Maryland, then Athens, Ohio) I was toying with the idea of being a journalism major. I enjoyed writing so it seemed the obvious fit. Then I attended career day and learned that journalism majors could look forward to a salary of $EA,TSH.IT per year with the promise of a fatal heart attack at 47 years of age. I'm not falling for that trick, I told them (them being no one, and told being saying it in my own mind in the shower). Approximately 15 years later here I sit declared the big winner in that battle: I never made any money doing anything else and now I'm writing entirely for free. So suck balls, journalism career day. The views expressed in this website are mine and mine entirely. I don't wish to be an even bigger black eye to my family than I probably already am. As a result of this I will never be able to run for public office and I accept that reality. But this website is a very dignified, well-dressed skeleton full of witty retorts and honorable deeds compared to the disheveled, stenching, staggering and loud skeletons who would come marching out of the closet to White Zombie's "Thunderkiss '65" if they ever unearthed the college years. So enjoy your train ride, your hangover day at work, your AA meeting or your dump. I'm here to serve.
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2 Responses to Amy Winehouse is Dead. I Never Saw it Coming.

  1. Anonymous says:

    “She didn't pussyfoot around and say she was clean, then relapse, then clean, then court date, then rehab, and all that annoying shit.”

    Sounds like the antithesis of Scott Weiland. His Dickipedia bio is awesome:

    By the way, Dickipedia is the tits. Most of the bios are outdated but are still hysterical.


  2. Anonymous says:

    Quote from her dad:

    “Amy was about one thing, and that was love. Her whole life was devoted to her family and her friends, and to you guys as well.”

    Maybe “family and friends” is a euphemism for “coke and smack”?


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