Monthly Archives: February 2014

If You are a Black Teenager in Florida, Just get the F–k Out

Florida: America’s dong. Sun, sand and white trash. Love the blacks that play for the football team of their choice, but don’t want them anywhere else. I am certainly not implying the black teenager has no right to live in … Continue reading

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I Feel You Will Have to Deal with this Matter in the Harshest Possible Way, Mr. Torrance

All cold and no sun makes Zach a dull boy. All cold and no sun makes Zach a dull boy. All cold and no sun makes Zach a dull boy. All cold and no sun makes Zach a dull boy. … Continue reading

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Did I Miss 25 Birthdays?

I’m suddenly and undeniably 60 years old and I haven’t the foggiest how it happened. My only working theory is that I somehow missed 25 birthdays. I’m falling the fuck apart. I was getting the eye of the tiger back, … Continue reading

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Saturday Haiku

Blistering hangover Child awakes before heavens Respects not dad’s state

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What did People Expect Sochi to be, Paris?

I think perhaps our expectations were collectively a bit too high. Does Sochi appear to be a back water shithole from the ugly Soviet days that has no business hosting a low rent bachelor party, let alone an international competition? … Continue reading

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Monday Haiku

Winter cold white harsh Vagrants take refuge warm trains Trains reek piss and shit

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Battle of the Sexes: Who Watches Worse Television?

I’m unsure why more funding is not funneled into this critical research. It could be the key that turns the lock which opens the door to the mysterious cellar which contains the answer to the question: Who is stupider, men … Continue reading

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The First Step is Admitting that I have a Problem

Today I take the first step towards recovery. The road will be long and fraught with peril but armed with the knowledge that I do in fact have a problem, and am not alone, will light my way. It started … Continue reading

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The Day is LOST

I’m fairly well fucked today. Check that, not fairly well fucked but rather fully. I’m in a miniscule life raft, at the epicenter of a Perfect Storm, sharks are circling, and I just found a leak. Basically sitting in the … Continue reading

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Fast and Fit Coaching: The Fitness Yoda Cometh

There is a vast ocean of diet and fitness advice available to the world in any media you desire; most of it is pure, unadulterated shit. Sadly shit is what most seek. There are some who know the truth: You … Continue reading

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