Monthly Archives: August 2011

This Crack is Off the HEEZIE!

If you live in the Sedgwick & Division/Seward Park neighborhood of Chicago (formerly the Cabrini Green projects), then you know what the fuck I’m talking about.  A local dealer dropped a BOMB on ‘em son!  There are always a few … Continue reading

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“Nothing is Fucked Here Dude. Come On, You’re Being Very UnDude.”

I’m totally kidding.  Everything is fucked.  Rioting in London.  Stock market going down faster than a Thai whore for a c-note.  U.S. credit rating downgraded (sorry, same principles for household financial management apply at the macro level as well).  U.S. Government is … Continue reading

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Apparently My Little Brother has Never Seen “Point Break”. How Do You Address a Situation Like That?

He is too old and too big to challenge to a fight over it.  I guess I could attack him with a baseball bat or a wrench or a sock filled with marbles or something.  Mostly I’m just sick to … Continue reading

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Some Famous Asshole Needs to Start Wearing Skirts

And do it stat.  Been hotter than Texas asphalt in Joo-lie all summer and I’ve still got a pants crotch stuffed all up in my gear.  Yeah shorts are alright, but skirts are the cat’s ass.  I wore a skirt … Continue reading

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The Debt Ceiling Debate Explained for the Non-Child Molesting Politician Segment of the Population

It may seem complicated, but it isn’t.  For anyone who has been unsuccessfully trying to avoid seeing these Washington fucktards playing dick-slap with each other over this recent hot-button issue, and not really grasping what is going on, this post … Continue reading

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Are the Cubs Fucking Serious?

This sums up Cubs baseball better than any mascot or team logo.  The Cubs are sucking at the teet of superior organizations, and are damned lucky to be fed at all.  Luckily for me I’m a Chicago transplant and don’t … Continue reading

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Internet “Security Checks” Suck

I don’t get it.  Like if your cpu is hacked, and someone is trying to buy some tickets to a monster truck rally on Ticketmaster, or post the blog you just wrote to your Facebook page, this is going to … Continue reading

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I Can Do Without the Monthly Tornado Siren Check

My 4 month old baby is sleeping, please fuck off.  Who cares anyway?  You think that siren is going to have any effect whatever on the metric tonnage of brick and concrete cascading down upon your hunkering, about to be … Continue reading

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Allison Rosati, Sweetheart, Can We Talk about this Haircut?

Allison, you are a successful news anchor over there at NBC 5.  And Chicago isn’t exactly a back-water market.  There are plenty of hosts and anchors on national stations via the Windy City to prove that Chicago is a major … Continue reading

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Chicago Festival Review: Seward Park Crack Fest 2011

This summer festival totally flew under the radar, but it was a smashing success.  What this festival lacked in turnout, concessions, music, kid’s entertainment, officialdom, food or beverage, it totally made up for in solid attendance by myriad crackheads.  When … Continue reading

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