Monthly Archives: July 2011

Biggest Upset in World Tournament History: #16 Seed Al Queda Knocks off #1 Seed America

Posted on July 29, 2011 by Zach

Who could have seen this one coming? Most powerful, explosive team in the entire world beaten in the tournament by a group of Islamic fundamentalist weirdos with nothing more than disposable Stanley knives. In my nightmares I imagined nuclear missiles … Continue reading →

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Jacoby Ellsbury is Hot

Posted on July 28, 2011 by Zach

And I don’t just mean he is incredibly good looking.  He is also tearing the cover off the fucking baseball, swiping bags, and doing his best Dyson impersonation out in center field.  But mostly he is just a smokin’ hot … Continue reading →

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I’m Home with my 4 Month Old Daughter for the Next 10 Days….

Posted on July 27, 2011 by Zach

…..Who wants to fucking party?!?!?!?!?!?!?!  You name the bar/patio/balcony/kegger/biker-speed-bash/LSD freak-out/concert/pool-party/BBQ/high school graduation rager…..and I’ll be there with fucking bells on!  Oh, and also with a small baby strapped to my chest by Swedish engineering.  Hope that is cool.  And the … Continue reading →

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Why Does Society Treat the Handifat like they are Actually Disabled?

Posted on July 27, 2011 by Zach

I’m so sick of this shit.  I for one am not treating these people with kid’s gloves any longer.  If you’ve eaten yourself into a lack of mobility, then fuck you, get out of the way and ideally quit breathing … Continue reading →

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Is This the Worst Picture of All Time?

Posted on July 26, 2011 by Zach

You will never in a million years believe what I’m about to write, after viewing this Tijuana coat-hanger abortion of a picture: This guy used to RUN SHIT.  I’m talking “The Natural”.  This cat walks onto a Top-40 rap dance floor … Continue reading →

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Amy Winehouse is Dead. I Never Saw it Coming.

Posted on July 25, 2011 by Zach

Nooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I don’t want to live anymore!!!!!!!  She was so full of life, how can she be dead?  I just don’t get it, she looked fantastic!  Why, why goddamnit, do they always take the good ones?????  It isn’t fair, it … Continue reading →

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The Scout Chronicles: My Boss Needs to Get Off My Ass

Posted on July 22, 2011 by Zach

My boss and all his goddamn “deadlines” can kiss my hairy fucking ass.  The Scoutmeister is taking a personal day, and that is the end of the story.

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Why Would You EVER Hire a Fat Personal Trainer?

Posted on July 22, 2011 by Zach

I’ve never understood this phenomenon.  It reared its ugly head yesterday at the gym, as I was forced to listen to some obese asshole chastise and “coach” some old man through a pathetic work out which would not have produced … Continue reading →

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Another Lovely Day Here in Dubai

Posted on July 21, 2011 by Zach

105 degrees today with 1,000% humidity.  Gorgeous!  Watch out for that sandstorm around midday, wouldn’t want sand in your melted ice cream.  Perfect day for nothing.  Scorching hazy sun reflecting off the Persian Gulf cooking your brain right inside your … Continue reading →

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Chicago Weather Forecast:

Posted on July 19, 2011 by Zach

Today’s Forecast: It is going to be fucking hot today, with a chance of swamp ass.  Wednesday: Hotter than a freshly-raped fox in a forest fire*.  Sport-wipe necessary when you finally get to your office, as swamp-ass is guaranteed.  Thursday: … Continue reading →

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