Monthly Archives: May 2011

This is the Bullshit of all Bullshits

High of 50 degrees. Rain, all day. 25mph winds. Happy fucking May 26th assholes.

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When do you have to Quit Swearing?

My kid is exactly 2 months old, so at what point do I have to quit swearing around the house? And I’m not talking about an “Oh shit!”, a “Goddamnit!”, and definitely not worried about “What the hell is going … Continue reading

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Tonight We Gonna Rapture Like Its 1999!!!

Tomorrow night, 18:00 EST (and you have to love not only that the bible can predict the rapture’s exact date, but it is time-zone specific as well, centered on a time zone that at the time of bible writing, no … Continue reading

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Who in the Hell is still Wearing Jock Straps?

I was in the locker room at the gym yesterday and as I turned to go into the small area which housed my particular locker, I was shocked to see a near-naked, fat man clad in nothing other than a … Continue reading

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Why are People Wearing these Toms “Shoes”?

These are not shoes. These are house slippers. These are what Charlie wears, not you. I guess your dad must have dodged the draft and moved to Quebec when the Vietnam war was raging. Good for you, Comrade. You can’t … Continue reading

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If You aren’t with the Bulls Right Now, You are with the Terrorists

It is that simple. There is no moral gray-area in this NBA Eastern Conference Finals series. It is child-raping mass murderers versus a selfless team who spends all their free time inoculating impoverished African children against the 743 diseases that … Continue reading

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Missed Opportunity

I have been handed a golden opportunity to buy some jeans with a ton of shit on the pockets, and instead of grasping the moment, I’ve stood idly by with my dick in my hand as bolder men understood full … Continue reading

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People Standing up on Public Transit are Dog Shit on the Heel of Society

If you picked Chicago up and moved it to India, the people who are standing upright on public transit buses and trains would be the lowest form of scum in the Caste System, the “Untouchables”. If you don’t have a … Continue reading

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We’re on the “Same Schedule”, that is so Cool!

I can’t go more than a week or two of my life without someone in the bathroom whom I’ve pissed next to twice that same day telling me, “Haha, we must be on the same schedule”…..wait for it….wait for it…….nope, … Continue reading

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Are they Fucking Kidding Me with this College Tuition Shit?

I started some research this week into savings options for my 6 week old kid’s college education, which will commence (of course barring some armpit hair hippy leftist rebellion of “I’m not going to college”) in 2029. I did some … Continue reading

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