Monthly Archives: March 2011

If Ohio State Loses Tonight to that Slimy Fucking Snake Oil Salesman Back-Stabbing Scumbag John Calipari I’m Going to be so Fucking Pissed Off I Won’t

Even be able to see straight. That is all. Have a nice day.

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Turbo Boot

On my way home from the gym this morning I saw parked on Sedgwick Street, right next to the Danger Dominick’s at Sedgwick and Division, a shiny new Porsche Cayenne Turbo. I admire the Porsche Cayenne. It is like an … Continue reading

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Dear Darfur: Find Some Oil or Shut the Fuck Up

In case you didn’t notice, 6 people in Libya got a headache, 4 people turned their ankles, 3 people got diarrhea, 2 people pulled a hamstring, and 1 chick broke a newly manicured nail. And what happened? Tomahawk missiles up … Continue reading

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Why Aren’t I Selling Magic Beans to Fools?

It is just so easy. I rail against Joel Osteen’s “The Purpose Driven Life”, and his horse teeth. But he is winning, while I lose every day. I need someone, a great friend or a trusted relative, to talk me … Continue reading

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I’m Totally In on this Whole “Do What Feels Right” Parenting Trend

Texting at Whole Foods Bagel Shop Grown ‘N Sewn This way they know that the world exists for them and them only, which only helps in the long run.

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Dear Books-A-Million, Go Fuck Yourself

If I’ve told these assholes once, I’ve told them a thousand times: “I don’t want to join the fucking savings club”. I’ve been going to Books-A-Million, purely out of convenience as it’s next to where I work, for 7 years … Continue reading

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Isn’t Molesting Kids Enough?

Listen, everyone is already creeped the fuck out by Catholics, what with the boy-touching and all. I know that I give a very wide berth to Catholic priests when I see them skeezing down the block, sniffing their fingers. One … Continue reading

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Does Fat Insulate?

I pondered this question as I sat, shoulders dislocated inward with knees locked tightly, on the bus this morning. I entered the bus today with a strong determination to find a seat. I eagerly sought refuge from my pathetic, miserable, … Continue reading

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How Much Ya Bench?

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Afghanistan, You Just got your Ass Kicked!

In your face Afghanistan! U.S. forces acting within NATO fired from a gunship on March 1st, ultimately killing 9 Afghan children who were collecting firewood. Take that Afghanistan! Not so fucking cocky now, are you? You want to step to … Continue reading

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