Monthly Archives: January 2011

Oh My God, Oh My God, Oh My God! There is Going to be a Big Snowstorm in Chicago Tomorrow. Oh My God what the Fuck do we do!?!?!?

I personally am probably going to douse myself with lighter fluid, set myself on fire, and throw myself from our balcony. I am sure as shit not going to sit around and wait for 20 inches of snow to hit … Continue reading

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Nice Orange Face Asshole

Its been 14 degrees and cloudy for the past 3 months in Chicago, and your fucking face is orange. Were you on vacation? Oh really, you were? It must have been at a beach resort on the planet Alderon, in … Continue reading

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George Clooney Fucked Your Sister While You Read this Headline

He banged her and told her to get the fuck out of his hotel room before you even read the word “Headline”. Deal with it. If you’re extra-lucky, George Clooney might bang you some day. He doesn’t want to hear … Continue reading

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Davis Love III New Ryder Cup Captain MUTHERFUCKERS!!!

Got the opening of AC/DC’s “Thunderstruck” turned up to 11 in my dome right now and I ain’t turning down the dial until the UnitedfuckingStates of Fuck You wins the Ryder Cup. You see that pants tent I’m pitchin’? Been … Continue reading

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What do you Think People’s Crotch Smelled Like 700 Years Ago?

Being that I’m an amateur history buff I feel quite strongly that this topic has been grossly under-reported. Being that personal groin hygiene and maintenance is largely a phenomenon of the past 2 decades, I have to imagine the crotch … Continue reading

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Jay Cutler is a Fucking Warrior

He sat out the second half of the Bears NFC Championship game with a sprained MCL. What a modern day Hector of Troy. It is a little known fact, but Hannibal of Carthage actually sat out the Battle of Zama … Continue reading

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Oh No! The “Man With The Golden Voice” was Arrested and is Going to Rehab!?!?!?

I never saw it coming! I’ve never been surer of anything in my life than I was sure that Ted Williams would fly straight and only do good with his recent windfall. I mean, when you take a lifelong substance … Continue reading

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Its High Time we Impose a Ceiling on Pant Sizes

The G8 nations need to make this priority #1 in the next gathering. They can get to boozy dinners and whoremongering after a decisive vote is cast in this all-too-important issue which could ultimately lead to the demise of planet … Continue reading

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In Your Face America!

The rest of America can swing from Chicago’s ample nuts. Highest gas prices in the country, bitches! $3.35 a gallon to a national average of $3.08. Salt Lake City is chock full of Mormon pussies who only pay $2.73, the … Continue reading

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Update: George Ryan Allowed to Visit Dying Wife for a Couple of Hours

That is fucking bullshit. I didn’t authorize any of my tax money to transport that dickhole to the hospital and back. Fuck him. And the judge who authorized it, you’re a fucking pussy.

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