Monthly Archives: December 2010

If a Trees Falls in the Forest and No One is there to Hear it, Does it Make a Sound?

This is a very pertinent question on 12/22/10. Why? Well, let me ask you this: If the UCONN women’s basketball team breaks the all-time NCAA basketball record for consecutive games won, and no one gives a flying fuck, was the … Continue reading

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The Scout Chronicles: I Just Learned the Story of Jesus Today from that Religious Freak Beagle in the Dog Park

He told me all about it. I think that little fucker is tooting blow in his kennel all day. He will not shut the fuck up about Christ and the Holy Spirit and how you’ve got to give up dry-humping … Continue reading

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Whatever Happened to Honesty and Integrity in the Pan-Handling Business?

If you are starving, then look fucking starving. When you are trying to sell me your starvation 150 pounds overweight and wearing brand new retro Air Jordans, pardon fucking me when my heart refuses to bleed and my wallet remains … Continue reading

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Could Somone Please Buy Me the Brett Favre “The Streak 297 Starts” Autographed Football for Christmas….

…..So that I can punch you right in your fucking stupid face. And then de-friend you on Facebook. Then block all of your email addresses. Then erase your phone number from my cell. Then call your parents and tell them … Continue reading

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Whoever is Putting These Foreign Chocolates in the Office Kitchen can Knock it the Fuck Off

If you are going to put chocolates in the kitchen for all to enjoy, fine. But have the common goddamn decency to make sure that the label is written clearly in ‘Merican. Not fucking Frencher, not I-tie, and sure as … Continue reading

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Brett Favre Douche-O-Meter

Brett Favre was injured in Sunday‚Äôs action, a sprained throwing arm shoulder. Brett Favre has been telling the media this week that it hurts in the only way Brett Favre tells the media that he is hurt: By sounding very … Continue reading

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Urban Meyer Boldly Attempts to Out-Douche Bag Brett Favre

Urban, you’ve got a long row to hoe if you want to supplant Bayou Brett as sports’ most egomaniacal, narcissistic douche bag. But brother, you’re well on your way. Last December you lost the SEC Title game to fellow It’s … Continue reading

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The Chicago Transit Authority Sucks

The directors of the CTA should all be lined up in Daley Plaza and executed by firing squad at high noon. If I have one more fucking bus fly by my stop without stopping this week because it is too … Continue reading

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If We Ever Get Off Our Asses and Actually Capture Bin Laden, This is what Should Happen

Let’s play make-believe for a moment and pretend we’re actually trying to catch Bin Laden, rather than using him as an iron-clad excuse to continue to steal poor people’s natural resources. So we’ve got a tactical unit out trying to … Continue reading

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BREAKING NEWS: We Got Bin Laden!!!

Oh wait, no we didn’t. My bad. He is still kicking it in a cave in Peshwar, balls-deep in virgins, washing down fresh opium with some tea you’ve never even heard of. There is a silver lining to this cloud … Continue reading

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