Monthly Archives: October 2010

Brett Favre Douche-O-Meter

Has broken foot/ankle. Wants to play this week, not to help team, but rather to continue consecutive games started streak that only he and John Madden care about. Insistence on playing will have direct negative effect on team. Recent quote: … Continue reading

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Four Loko can go and Four Fuck Itself

Seriously, look at the goddamned advertisement. You’re going to drink this shit? Well then, you deserve everything you get, from a pants full of shit all the way up to and including a lack of heartbeat. Everyone is fucking everyone … Continue reading

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The Corner Bakery is Bullshit

I’ve eaten better out of dumpsters behind veterinary clinics. This is processed, sodium-laden food in all its glory. If you are going for this shit, you may as well go to fucking McDonald’s. At least it tastes good.

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There is Only One Way to Teach People to Respect the Value of Human Life: Kill Some Mutherfuckers

Two weeks ago the corner where I get dropped off by the bus each day after work was shut down for the entire night by Chicago Police, Fire Department, Bomb Squad, Traffic Wardens, Garbage Men, Vagrants, you name it and … Continue reading

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Now I Know how Women Feel

I was recently jogging near the lakefront in Chicago. I took a path through some woods where there is a small nature preserve, near Recreation Drive. As I ran down this narrow path I was visually assaulted in a most … Continue reading

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Both Candidates for Illinois Senate Have Such Great Ideas on how to Fix Illinois, that I Have No Idea Who to Vote For

I’ve been watching television ads lately and I have to say picking a candidate in this race is going to be tough. They both present such phenomenal ideas on how they will solve Illinois’s problems. Alexi Giannoulias has, in my … Continue reading

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The Fat, Pan-Handling Asshole is Back on my Corner Again

This fat bastard has been on the corner of Adams and LaSalle, in front of the Brooks Brothers in the Rookery building, for yonks. His manual of operation, during the years I’ve had the honor to pass by him and … Continue reading

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The Ryder Cup is Over, Now What the Fuck do I do?

Probably jump off a bridge or try and shoot my weight in black tar heroin. The Ryder Cup is over, America lost again, and now all I have is NFL football, college football, MLB playoffs, English Premier League soccer and … Continue reading

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You’ve Got to be Off Your Fucking Tits to Eat Food from the Rotisserie Racks at 7-Eleven

I am not tangling with any person that eats food from 7-Eleven warming and/or rotisserie racks, because clearly they don’t give a fuck. I’d as soon approach the rotting carcass of a week-old wildebeest in the Serengeti that was beset … Continue reading

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Are Amish People and Hasidic Jews Interchangeable?

Its a toss-up. Neither much cares for modernity. Both eschew razors. Each group’s fashion sense is “17th Century Farmer Chic”. Both cultures are governed by strict interpretations of fictional books written thousands of years ago by people who thought you … Continue reading

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