Monthly Archives: September 2010

Would Someone Please get these Fucking Skinny Jeans Out of my Face Already?

This fashion trend has been mildly annoying for some time now, but I reached my breaking point this past Sunday at Whole Foods. I was minding my own business in the check-out line when I noticed two lines over a … Continue reading

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I’ve Heard there are People who don’t Like “The Town”

Those people should really be spending their time trying to erase the encyclopedia of kiddie porn they have stored on their hard drive (and please remember to empty the recycle bin) before the Feds arrive with a warrant. Unless you … Continue reading

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EMERGENCY BROADCAST: Katy Perry Shows Some Cleavage on Seasame Street….Pick up the Red Phone and Call Fucking Batman!

That is the last straw, I’m packing up the wife and kids and moving to fucking Iran. I will not sit idly by and tolerate my children or anyone else’s children being exposed to evil, dirty, vulgar, partially-exposed breasts. If … Continue reading

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Mark My Words: “The Braylon Edwards Story” will End in Tears

Braylon Edwards is an egomaniacal, selfish asshole whose brain is incapable of processing abstract concepts such as “Others” or “Consequences”. He cannot compute simple mathematical calculations like “This action + this action could = negative outcome”. In today’s professional sports … Continue reading

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Season Premier of “The Biggest Loser” Tonight!

And it doesn’t matter who wins, because you’re all still fucking losers. These are truly some of the most miserable pieces of shit our planet has to offer. I would love the shit out of this show if they got … Continue reading

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The NFL is a Pile of Shit

I can’t fucking take it anymore. I haven’t wanted to give voice to what I’ve known in my heart for several years: The NFL absolutely fucking sucks. In my youth, during college and throughout most of my 20′s it was … Continue reading

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Where is Guy Fawkes when you Need Him?

In case you aren’t familiar with my main shit stain Guy Fawkes, he was the mastermind behind the Gunpowder Plot of 1605 in England. Keeping a long story short, Guy dug a tunnel underneath Parliament and filled it with kegs … Continue reading

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I Can’t Remember what Arizona used to be Called Before it was Called Arizona?

Was it…hmmmmm…..Oh wait, I know! It was called MEXICO. I cannot for the life of me figure out what these xenophobic red neck assholes think gives them the right to tell Mexicans they can’t come back into their historic land … Continue reading

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Is the WNBA Fucking Serious with these Playoff Commercials?

Slo-mo art house black-and-white shit meant to incite fervor amongst the fan base and exaggerate the excitement of the sport…..oh wait, this would imply there is a fan base. I 100% think women should be entitled to careers in sports … Continue reading

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If this Terry Jones Nutbag in Florida doesn’t Burn the Quran Tomorrow, then he’s a Fucking Pussy

What’s done is done. You went out on the balcony of the nuthouse with your eyeglasses that have one lens missing and the other is a broken spiderweb of a lens, your foil helmet and embarrassing facial hair and announced … Continue reading

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