Monthly Archives: August 2010

“Inception” is Fucking Bad Ass. Period.

“Inception” is ball-rattlingly good. This is not an opinion and there is no counter-argument to this 100% certifiable fact. It is fucking awesome and that is the end of the chat. To any dudes out there that are still sticking … Continue reading

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This New Movie About the Creation of Facebook Sucks, and I haven’t Even Seen it

When is the fucking glorification and empowering of nerds going to end? I’ve had enough. I know and have accepted as fact that the golden age of the nerd is upon us. I wax nostalgic about days of yore when … Continue reading

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Fantasy Football Draft this Saturday Bitches!!!

You had all better be staying the fuck in on Friday night, because Saturday is going to be off the mutherfucking chain, son! This is going to be the most bad-ass fantasy football draft we’ve ever had. Just when you … Continue reading

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I’m Extremely Impressed with BP

I cannot get over how awesome of a company BP is. They are all over the Gulf of Mexico right now cleaning up oil. They are doing it pro bono, totally for humanitarian purposes. BRAVO! I will be filling up … Continue reading

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So Now Girls are Dying from Autoerotic Asphyxiation?

I thought only dudes tried to choke themselves out to maximize orgasm? I guess I was wrong. Numerous girls just in the past week. I’m certainly not sexist when it comes to the topic of masturbation. Women have just as … Continue reading

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The Cream of Society Rises to the Top at the Chicago Air & Water Show

It looks like a Nascar race, an episode of Biggest Loser, a WWF Wrestlemania and an episode of Jerry Springer simultaneously broke off at the Chicago lakefront. If that sounds good to you, then throw on a pair of jean … Continue reading

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Nothing Says “I Will Never Have an Office Job” Quite as Loudly as Neck or Forearm Tattoos

We get it, you aren’t planning to work in no fuckin’ office man, not now, not fuckin’ never. Just in case one day you lose your fucking marbles and decide you want some loco shit like health insurance or transferable … Continue reading

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Your “Gifted” Child is Probably Just Showing Early Signs of Being Gay

You can quit getting all excited and telling everyone about his or her reading comprehension level, or their amazing singing voice. Your kid isn’t 20 years away from a Nobel Prize in Literature or the next Frank Sinatra, I promise … Continue reading

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Chicago is Currently Registering a 9.3 on the Swamp-Ass Richter Scale

Chicago has the greatest, most moderate weather in the country. You’ve got two choices: 1) Dick-numbingly cold or 2) Hotter than 10 fat people in a Volkswagen. That’s it. There is no spring and about 2 weeks of fall. The … Continue reading

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Testimony from the Front Lines of America’s Battle with Obesity

A dear colleague of mine from University recently told me the below story. To protect the innocent I will identify him only as “Aaron”. It is easy sometimes to cast your lot with those on one side of an argument, … Continue reading

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